Four minutes until I can fart!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
