my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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