I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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