We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
