Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
