I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
