you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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