dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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