I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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