Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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