Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
