hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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