but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
