Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
