Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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