Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
