Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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