curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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