Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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