Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
