I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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