Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
