people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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