Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
