Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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