he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
