Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
