I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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