ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
