Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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