Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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