My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
