I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are we still banned from the library?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
