I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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