all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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