Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
