Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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