i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
