he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
