You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
