and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
