Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
