Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
