My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
