Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
