just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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