My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
