Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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