Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
