i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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