I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
