Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
